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You couldn’t make me not alone 

I’m not a positive person at all, but I really envy those who are. Where does it come from? Is that a nature vs nurture debate? Probably a debate for another blog, but those people need an award. I don’t even know if I have any of that positivity in me. I have been thinking lately that my mood is completely dependent on the weather. Which is sad that I’m letting an outside force control my happiness, but it is what it is. Those few days last week that were super sunny and the perfect 75 degrees with NO humidity, I was on top of the world. I still hate everything, but at least the sun is shining and there were Simpson clouds. Then the couple days before that perfect weather were hot and so humid and raining non-stop- I couldn’t take those days. Wild horses couldn’t drag me to work (I mean, I went to work, but very reluctantly), and even though I have an irrational fear of my house caving in, I wanted to lay in bed all day. Moral of the story, if the weather was perfect  I’m in a much better mood. And like I’ve been saying, it’s 2017… why can’t we control the weather yet? 

I had a strange conversation with my client today. She tries really hard but her mental health sometimes takes such a front seat she can’t do much else. But we were talking about her getting into the mental health field, but she said my job would be too stressful. It is and it isn’t, I guess. But I never used to agree with people when they said “I don’t know how you do your job”, I’d just say “it’s not too hard”. It really is though. I know everyone is stressed at their job, or they hate their boss and coworkers. But I’m dealing with my clients that I see all the time committing suicide, I have 30 people that I essentially do everything for, I have people calling me LITERALLY 23 times a day all while getting so much paperwork done AND trying to make productivity. All for about a 3rd of what most people make. I’m not complaining, I just do a lot. I’m thankful that I get those days where I don’t have to do too much and I can sit at home and do notes or a training or go the the mall cause no one is keeping tabs on me. But it’s still a lot. Of all of the things that suck about my job is 95% of my clients don’t think of me as a human. And you know, I get that this is my job, but I can’t take a day to finish a referral and send it in. Doesn’t matter that I haven’t been in the office in 3 days and I’m not a human fax machine. I guess it is what it is. 
And while work sucks most of the time, it’s nice to come home and relax. Writing and reading really get me through. 

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