life

I’ll believe you when everything you say don’t turn out wrong.

Decisions are such a hard thing. Why are we given choices? Should I stay, or should I go? I’d like to not have to think about these things, but it’s my life, so I suppose I should. I have a lot of ideas- you know, I’m going. I’m getting out of here. Yet nothing changes. I’m still in the same place you left me last year. I’m talking about more than one choice here, but it’s all the same. A big change. I just want to crawl in bed and not have to worry about saying no to people or moving on or learning new things. I guess you sort of get complacent with hating everything, and that’s not a good place to be.

I always do the same thing. I get this big idea. I’m doing it, finally quitting. I make a small move, a tiny change. I make the first step, but then don’t follow through. I even quit quitting. I know this isn’t a great place to be, but that’s where I am. Quitting isn’t always the easiest thing. I generally like to ignore them and just wait for my problems to go away. Usually things work out, but some things can’t get better. The one big decision I need to make won’t get better, I know that. It’s been bad for so long and I think that I’ve peaked at the best that this can be. If something sucks for two weeks, sucks so much that you hope that you get in a car accident so you don’t have to go through with it, but then sometimes it is fine. Like why make a big change if it’s only horrible 80% of the time. Nothing is perfect, right? Every aspect of your life is going to suck sometimes, yes? Does it have to be like that though? Can we be happy all the time? I guess that only time will tell. I told myself I’d make the change, so I shouldn’t quit for once.

Sorry, I’ve been watching too much Sex and the City. I’m blogging like Carrie now.

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